So a little while ago, I got a phone call from a number that I didn’t recognize, aside from the area code. It was from Rhode Island. Since I never answer my phone if I don’t know who’s calling, I let it ring and hoped that the caller would leave me a voicemail.
Boy did they.
I called my mailbox and was greeted by the automated voicemail woman letting me know that I had one new voicemail. No duh. The message finally began. It was, ahem, Crazy. Jeff. Doors.
I was elated.
He started off the message by saying, “Hey Ryan, this is Jeff. You know, the guy who you think burned down your house.” I cracked up. It turns out that he was calling to let me know that there is a building “as big as an entire block” for sale in Providence for 60 grand. He thought that I should buy it. He also asked if I had any work for him. He said that in a much less concise way, but no matter.
Amanda looked at me funny, I relayed the message, and more importantly who it was from, and got to texting. below is out exchange, verbatim:
Ryan: Hey Jeff. Thanks for the heads up. We don’t think you burned anything; that’s crazy. We moved out of RI, so unless you want to drive to Texas, I probably don’t have any work for you.
Jeff’s Reply: TEXAS. ALL THERE IS IS STEERS N QUEERS AN I DON’T SEE ANY HORNS ON U BOY.
Awesome. That’s the Jeff I know and have a hard time dealing with.
Jeff’s Second, Unsolicited Reply: I’m glad you guys are Happy. God Bless. Im doing well. My case just settled in Federal. Have to wait until Feb to receive CAPITOL THEN this Slave State will find a way to suck it all back. but my quality of life will be much better. ROSIE DIED 4 13 11. She was very sick. Im good n on my own n my SAVIOR LOOKS OUT FOR ME. AS ALWAYS. PEACE.
Holy moly. So much unwanted information in a text message. The best part of it all is the fact that I had, and still have, no idea what he is talking about in most of it. Rosie, who is dead, was the giant woman who would sit in the car while he worked at my house(s). The rest of it? No idea. The random capitalization? What case? Should I know what he’s talking about? I don’t care. I loved it.
I sent back an ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ text and that was that.
Jeff is awesome. I really hope that he calls me again someday.