Time Is On My Side. No It's Not

So, in the last post, I promised to explain why it is very super mega extra uber duper important to close this coming Thursday at the latest. I plan on doing so in the following paragraphs.

First, this note on language: I have never seen the word "duper" used as an adjective when separated from the word "super". Am I the first one to ever do it? I have no idea. Am I the first one to do it, as far as I know? Yup.

Back to it. I will write the rest of this post as if I were answering an essay question from a grade school teacher.

Why do we need to close on this house on or before this coming Thursday?

We need to close on this house on or before this coming Thursday because it is very important to do so. It is very important to do so because on Friday morning, at 5:30am, we will be on a flight to Barbados for a friend's wedding. We will not return from the trip to Barbados until the following Thursday. We will lose almost a week's worth of time due to our trip.

It is also very important to close on this house on or before this coming Thursday because the lease agreement we signed long ago expires on the 31st of this month. That means we will have to vacate our current apartment. We will, obviously, need somewhere to live thereafter.

Combining these facts, we can surmise that if the closing is postponed until after we return from our trip to Barbados, we will have a total of three and a half days to make one of the apartments in the dwelling livable, so we can move in.

In summation, it is very important that we close on this house on or before Thursday of this week because while eleven days is not a lot of time to get one of the units livable, it is certainly, and for obvious reasons, superior to three days.

End of essay.

Another language aside - Please teach your kids that it is in fact grammatically correct to begin a sentence with the word "because". I was always told when I was a kid that one should never begin a sentence with the word. I understand the reasoning behind it, kind of. If you are a kid learning to write, it may be needed or important to be able to explain the subject of your following paragraph. If you are writing on your own, or there is no question prompting your words, it's important for the reader to know what the hell you're explaining. It's my wish that once kids are good enough at writing to understand the basics, you can then let them know that "because" is a perfectly acceptable way to start a sentence. Why? Because it makes perfect sense if the reader has been clued in to what you will be writing about.