Saturday, May 15, 2010

Update Weekend

I generally don't ever update this stupid thing on the weekend. I usually do it when I'm at work for reasons obvious. Today however, I decided to make an exception, as a lot of stuff went on in the last few days and it's fresh in my mind (relatively).


I sent around another sheet for everyone (me, seller, John McCann Realtor and seller's agent) to sign, even though it had been signed already. Tony wanted to make sure that he had 'everything' with him for the day. I emailed it over to him as soon as it was ready and he went on his smoke filled car ride to New Hampshire.

Why New Hampshire? Because apparently that's where the underwriters and lawyers he works with are stationed. Or maybe he wanted to do some fly fishing. I cant be sure. He let me know that he should be finished up with the meetings by about 2pm and to expect a call shortly thereafter. I have no idea why I believed him.

2pm came and went with nary a sound from Tony. As the hours passed, I grew more and more agitated. I left work at 4:30 (normal for me) and called him on my short drive home. No answer. I left a message.

Ten or so minutes after I sat down on my couch my cellular telephone rang. It was, duh, Tony. He did not have good news.

He led with a big sigh, followed by a pained explanation of things. Basically, he said I would have to clean the yard, take out the kitchen in the back unit and pay the fine on the house, despite the paper I signed to the contrary. The problem with that paper, he said, is the asterisk on it. Here it is:

As you can see, that asterisk is in the middle of a standard sentence on a standard form. It refers to "any violations marked with an asterisk".

Also on that form? "...any debris..."

The asterisk and the phrase above scare lawyers. They said I have to take care of any of the asterisked violations and clean the yard, as that's what the standard form says. Miffed, I laid into Tony the mortgage guy. I spoke more forcefully than he'd ever heard me speak before and peppered in some choice vulgarity for effect/seriousness' sake.

I continued ripping his chosen profession and the manner in which those employed in it conduct themselves. I let him know that these things should have been vetted much much earlier, you know, sometime before two days after their requested closing date extension. I told him that if anyone had actually looked at this stuff any earlier, I could have cleaned a yard and paid a fine before the original closing date.

He apologized and told me, "I know it's frustrating."

I then let him know my thoughts on it yet again, mentioning that the process is not frustrating, it is "absurd". I reminded him that everyone involved on his side of this transaction, including him, have sat on their hands until the last possible days, then asked for things that they have received already (signed purchase and sales, two other signed forms), then delayed based upon issues (typed characters more specifically) that could have been resolved weeks ago.

After about ten minutes of belittling the mortgage industry, he finally sighed and said, "Ryan, I'm really taking this to heart."

This made me even angrier. Is he saying that sincerely? Is he saying that to make me feel better? What?

I decided he was saying it sincerely and promptly told him that there were no lessons to be learned, as "we're too old for that essword". I told him I was dissatisfied with his work so far, but there was nothing that could be done about it.

Still not satisfied, but generally defeated, I moved on. I told him that I would call the Standards and Inspections folks as soon as they opened in the morning and would find out the actual meaning of the asterisks. I would let him know my finding thereafter.


I called up the generally helpful Jasmin Checho at Standards and Inspections at 8:30. That's when the office opens. I told her the situation and asked her what, specifically, violations had asterisks on them. She put me on hold and dug up the paperwork on the house.

When she returned to the phone, she read each violation again and said that there were no asterisks to be found. Anywhere.

I thanked her and let her know I would be in later in the day to pay the $75 fine that is hanging over the house, just in case the lawyers get pissy about that later on. I had a few meeting at work, then left around 11 and made my way to the City office.

When I arrived, I requested copies of all of the relevant documents attached to 66 Candace St. Jasmin furnished them, I handed the check over and, packet in hand, was on my way.

I ate some lunch with Amanda, then went to my crappy apartment to scan and email everything I had received. Here are some images (slightly altered) of the important/pertinent to this post things:

See? No asterisks anywhere. If the stupid underwriters/lawyers had actually looked into these things, instead of seeing an asterisk on a standard form, pooping their pants a little and calling everything off, then I would be working in a terrible house today, instead of enjoying myself (sadly, I'd rather be working on a house than enjoying myself today. Strange).

As far as the City of Providence is concerned, the house can be transferred over to me, provided I pay for it. I did not actually have to pay the fine, but did anyways, just so the lawyers wouldn't poop inside of their pants again.

There is just one problem:

Now, going by the letter of the law (or verbiage of the standard form), there is nothing to worry about, as there are no asterisks. However, the form does say '...any debris on the premises cannot be assumed..." This may cause at least a little intestinal discomfort for the legal eagles. Hopefully, they can be persuaded to believe that since there is no asterisk next to anything, then there is nothing to worry about.

I guess we'll have to wait and see. If nothing is wrong with anything in my paperwork, then closing can happen in five business days. I am hoping that will be this coming Thursday. I am going to continue to bother Tony the Mortgage Guy all week up until that date. It is very important that the closing happens on or before this coming Thursday.

I will write about why in a post on Monday. This post of much too long already. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Unfortunately for me, I will probably enjoy the rest of mine...

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