Thursday, June 17, 2010

Crazy Jeff Doors

A few things have been going on at the house since the last update. Some measuring for carpets, some plumbers' estimates, but most importantly, Jeff Doors is working. He has not yet abandoned the projects or started to slack. It's early, but it's kind of amazing. Here are two nice stories:

Since there is still no power at the property, it's kind of hard to plug power tools in. If you own a generator, or cordless tools, it's not a big deal, just kind of annoying. Jeff owns both of those things, but still wanted to use electricity from the dead house. He called me up to tell me this on Tuesday night. I let him know that the electrician should be starting this week, but right now, there is no, in his terms, "juice in that three decker" (electricity in the three story building I own).

After some inaudible speaking on his part, he let me know that he knew how to get electricity in the building. He said that he could get the juice hooked up from the street to the meters. I told him that the meters don't exist. There are no meters at the house. Undeterred, he immediately told me that he has a way of circumventing the meters completely, using "copper piping". I laughed and immediately became excited to see my house burn down.

I have no idea what tricks he knows. I have no idea how to use copper piping to supply electricity from the street to a house. I can certainly guess, but really have no clue. I was genuinely excited to visit the house to see what he did to supply power to all of the outlets. Sadly, when I went to the house, he told me he couldn't figure it out. All of that promise, all of that anticipation, for nothing. He is stuck with his cordless tools and generator.


Last evening, I got a call from Jeff, after he had done some more work. He said that he bolted the exterior door shut. Not only that, but he had bolted it shut using a bolt that you need a very specific drill bit to remove. A drill bit I do not own. A little confused, I asked him why. He said that since he is leaving his tool in the property overnight, he is scared of being ripped off. He has been "ripped off a bunch of different times and it's not going to happen again".

I told him that bolting the door shut with a specialized bolt is a ridiculous idea. I let him know that I need to actually get into the house today before he starts working (around 4pm, an early-bird he is not) and he needs to remove the crazy bolt. Dejected, he obliged.

He then let me know that he told the neighbors to keep an eye on the place. So now that Jeff has alerted the neighbors to his tool cache on the third floor, it is almost certain that the property has been burgled by now. Not only will Jeff be missing his tools today, but all of those new appliances will be missing. Way to go Jeff.

*Bonus Story* - When I pulled into the driveway yesterday after work, Jeff was leaning over a plumbers truck talking to the plumber (who was there to give me a quote). I came in mid conversation, but here's what I heard:

"...he worked right at that Mobil station at the intersection. So I'm talking to the guy telling him not to do it. He goes and does it anyways. Three days later, wham, god took him." *Jeff backs away from the truck for effect* "can you believe that? God took him right then."

It's been noted before that Jeff is insane for Jesus. This is another example. A man does something, presumably trivial and then three days later pays for it with his life. Keep in mind, please, that as far as I know, Stalin roamed the earth for years forcing an incredible amount of innocent people into slave labor. He died after 30 plus years of doing that. The guy Jeff talked to died three days later for doing nothing of consequence. Please draw your own conclusions about Jeff's god.

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