Saturday Afternoon:
After the dumpster delivery and photo barrage, I scooped up Amanda from our apartment and we headed to Home Depot. We picked up a ton of cleaning supplies and readied ourselves to clean the Illegal Garage Unit top to bottom.
Once prepared, I removed the door (plywood) and we got to work. Amanda and I removed the junk, swept and scrubbed the floor and Amanda went to town on the cabinets and the stove, both of which were disgusting. When I wasn't helping out in there, I was lugging all of the furniture out of the main building and dropping it into the driveway. Here is the result:
A back yard/driveway full of crap. Hooray.
During this heavy lifting, I kept my eyes peeled, and my camera nearby, looking for anything of interest. Luckily for me, and you, this process was full of interest.
We started with Illegal Garage unit, as mentioned above, and found a bunch of fun stuff. In the kitchen cabinets? This:
This struck me as something with an incredibly pointed name. It says exactly what it does. Your movements will be smooth. Well done Traditional Medicinals.
Why might one need an herbal supplement for such things? Well, traditionally, prescription drugs generally constipate you. Especially those for prostate problems:
It's not all bad news however, as at least the decor was probably super classy:
*aside* - Amanda actually said, when I was unrolling the second poster, "wow, Alica Keys is actually kind of respectable." I then unrolled the third poster. - *aside over*
It's was well documented that in the last house I rehabbed, the craftsmanship was incredible. While this property may not have the same abundance of quirks, the squatter in the back unit tried his best. With butter knives. Holding up curtains:
There were about seventy-five thousand screws and nails attached to the window casings in the unit. Apparently, he didn't want to use any of them to hold up his window linens:
Who knew that the machete wielding squatter was so deep? I did:
Those are amazing. One about prison (with title!), two about being an awesome rapper (one with chorus!), and one that's pretty illegible (but includes the words sacrifice and drugs, among other things!). What a find! I'm probably going to scan these and frame them. I am not joking.
Lastly, hot rhymes aside, we dragged a dresser outside. Before doing so, I looked in the drawers of it and found this:
A crack pipe.
Another view? You bet:
Amazing.
After finding all of this great stuff in that tiny space, I had pretty high hopes for the main house, especially in lieu of the former tenant. She did not disappoint. not the same quantity, but quality is what I'm after. How can you beat these two?
First up:
I can tell you what the Bible really teaches: Gays are the worst and so is the devil. The end.
And in an almost too good to be true contrast, this:
I found this on a windowsill. If my experience with drugs (I have no experience with any drugs, seriously) has taught me anything, it's that this shredded Coke can was used to mix an illicit substance and water in order to inject it. Further analysis reveals that it was not heroin, as that generally is much darker. Coupling this with evidence uncovered previously (her doctor's appointments), I came to the conclusion that the squatter was doing the following:
1. Going to the doctor with real or, more likely, made up ailments.
2. Coaxing said stupid doctor into prescribing prescription opiates.
3. Crushing up said opiates and cooking them in a Coke can bottom.
4. Mainlining the mixture to get high.
5. Finding a new doctor and a new ailment to repeat the process.
Doctor shopping is the best. For sure.
I could go into a long aside about how terrible, with all of the technology we have, the medical systems are in this country. I will shorten it to this: how is it possible that a patient can request a prescription without that doctor having access to what other prescriptions that patient has?
Once I had dragged all of the furniture outside and we had finished scrubbing the rear unit, Amanda and I headed to Sears. For appliances. From three different departments. Going into the experience, I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal. We knew how many we needed and what to get. It took forever. It was terrible. Super terrible. Here's why:
We were not allowed to buy everything all at once. Again, they did not let us complete the purchase in one transaction. It made no sense and wasted our time. It was awful. Really bad.
We went in needing four refrigerators, three electric ranges and a coin-operated washer and dryer. We went for the fridges first. We picked out the one we wanted and asked the salesman if we could take a look at some other stuff, as we need other stuff. He said yes, but he can't ring them up all at once. We were confused. And remain confused.
In short, we had to go through the ten to fifteen minute ordering process three separate times, even though we were buying appliances from the same store at the same time. It probably had something to do with commissions or something, but at this point, one would figure that a huge corporation would have some way to split the commissions up between salespeople. Not the case. After a hour and a half and four thousand dollars, we were on our way home for the night.
Sunday recap (among other things) tomorrow. I promise.
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